My Journey Toward A New Life

Sorry I missed my Friday posting.  I had an awful headache and did not get any sleep Thursday night so I spent Friday catching up on my sleep.  I do have Tylenol with Codeine for pain, but I got sick from it in the hospital so I try to avoid it at all costs.  By 5am Friday morning I was desparate so made an ice bag for my head and took a tablespoon of the codeine – yucko – and yes I gagged it down which put me into a coughing spell for about an hour.  I sucked on a few sugar free life savors (they are sooo good and have really been helpful when I feel like I need to put something in my mouth) and about an hour later I drifted off to sleep.  I spent  most of the morning waking and dozing and later in the afternoon I felt better so I decided to call a few friends and do some catching up, and then I did a few sudoku puzzles when I nodded off again.  I didn’t wake up again till around 830pm when my husband woke me up to eat something and now here it is 130am and I am awake while everyone else is sleeping.  I really need to get into a better sleep routine!  I want to let you know that while I do not regret having this surgery, I am having difficulty adjusting.  I find myself thinking about when I will be able to eat “real food” and I am getting really tired of jello and broth.  In fact, the mere thought of having broth as a “meal” gets me upset sometimes and even makes me feel nauseaus.  This is the single most diffuclt thing I have ever had to go through and unfortuneatly my family doesn’t really understand what it’s like, how could they?  I try to stay in my room when they eat or watch tv shows because most of the time they are about food/cooking and then I find myself focusing on food which is not good.  I spend a lot of time wondering when I will be able to really “eat” something without fear of throwing up, or trouble digesting it, or getting horrible gas pains and bloating.  Right now, every time I try to add something new, I get sick and have the most awful pain in my chest and stomach.  To describe the feeling, it’s like accidentally swallowing something whole and then feeling it move down then into your stomach.  No amount of expanding your chest or rubbing your tummy will take away the pain or make the process any faster and you can’t drink anything.  Usually the situation ends up with my belly getting very bloated and then throwing up.  I am really looking forward to speaking with my doctor and nutrionist on Monday so they can help me during this transitional phase.  I know the ONLY way I am going to get through this is my faith, prayer and my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.  I also know that it  has only been a little over a week and I did not get this way overnight and neither will I overcome it overnight.  I have to keep remembering not to beat myself up over it and to focus on Jesus and His healing power.  Lenore once told me that she had to keep busy and I totally agree, the busier I am, the less I think about my sitation – thank you Lenore and God Bless you for keeping it real.  If anyone has any questions, please please please ask me.  It is my hope that not only will I find healing by putting my journey into words, but that others will also learn from my experience.  I thank God for all of you and your prayers, may God Bless you according to His wealth and riches and pour out His healing upon you.  Take care, God bless.

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